Session 07: Transcript

EP 07: Lightning Q&A for Allies - Co-host Amy Titus

Carrie: Okay, 12:15 let's go. So I just want to say hi, Carrie Sawyer here from the Inclusion First project. We are so excited to have you. This is our very first Thursday lightning Q&A session. I have an incredible guest here, Amy Sawyer. Oh, wow. My bad, my sister's maiden name is Sawyer. Obviously, her real name is Titus. So Amy Titus, who is the CEO of Rooted Scales and the founder of Herbal Awakening. And I totally encourage you to go check out both of those on YouTube and all the social media.

So today we are going to be answering two questions that we have gotten from our anti-racist allies. And so the inclusion project is all about looking at inclusion through the lens of the questions and the discourse that are coming out of the allies in the anti-racist movement. And so we're collecting questions left and right about all kinds of topics. And what we're doing here is creating a platform and a safe space for people to come and ask the questions that make them uncomfortable, that they're too afraid to ask, that are just on their minds and we can provide answers. And so Amy and I are going to be talking about two questions that we got. And we're really excited to pilot this session for the first time and then share the answers. You can find more about the Inclusion First Project at www.inclusion1stproject.org and you could submit your questions there, too. So let's jump right in. What do you think Amy and tell us a little bit about yourself and then we'll go ahead and dive into the questions.

Amy: Absolutely. I am so excited to be here. This is such an amazing initiative and you are doing a beautiful job at it. So, I'm just happy to be here. But I'm the CEO and owner of Rooted Scale's, which is an urban hemp company, and I also founded Herbal Awakening with Amy, which it's all about teaching people how to integrate herbs into their life for betterment.

Carrie: Very good and so, as you can hear, my sister's amazing accomplished person and she has a really, really special perspective and life experience. And so I'm excited to have her weigh in on these. And as we're thinking about the questions that people have around anti-racism, just know that we're speaking from ourselves and our own life experience. We're not speaking for all black people, all black women, all women, all people from Indiana in my sister's case or people from California in my case. We're taking our own perspective. And so this is just part of how we have this dialog, knowing that the person in front of me is a person with their own unique set of experiences. And I'm not going to generalize anything onto her or likewise. So we are going to jump right into the first question. Are you ready, Amy?

Amy: I am so ready. Yes.

Carrie: Okay, here we go. So one of the questions that we got from one of our allies, how can I bring up Black Lives Matter to my family members? I'm not sure where they stand, but I could use some support on starting a conversation. What do you think? How do you tackle it?

Amy: That's a really, really great question. And I feel like so many people, all of us are really grappling with this right now because we are in the middle of something that is so tremendous and lots of people have different experiences and opinions about it. But, we want to know what the people that we're closest to think about this. Right? So I absolutely love this question. The first thing I would say is to make sure that you're approaching it with a clear mind and open mind and an open heart, because at the end of the day if you have never approached this person before, you really don't know what they're going to say. And so you have to be ok with whatever that is and to accept whatever that is. So that's step number one, get yourself right and ready and really get open-hearted.

And then the next step, I think, would be to make sure that you're creating a safe space for this person because, you know, this is very personal and can be very, very touchy. And you don't want anybody to feel like you're attacking them or you're trying to pull them to your side or even educate them at this point, you just want to do some exploratory work and see where this person is coming from because ideally, if they're in your family or they're a friend of yours, they're someone you really care about and you want to have a genuine, earnest conversation with them. So and then. So once you get those two things together, just go ahead and ask, make sure you're in a safe space and they're comfortable, and just ask, you know, "hey, how do you feel about Black Lives Matter? What do you think about the things that are going on in the racial climate of this country" and then sit back and and and really receive what they have to say.

And again, even though you might have your own opinions and their opinions may or may not align, this isn't really a time to educate them or to bring them back, bring them over to your side or way of thinking, because the moment that you do that, a lot of times people will clam up or they'll get defensive. And in this kind of situation with this kind of conversation, that's the last thing that you want. You want the person that you're talking to, to feel like you honor them like you respect them, and like you really care about their perspective. So those are some things to keep in mind.

Carrie: I love that so much. And I love this idea of being grounded in yourself when you go and approach them and also even thinking about, like, are they in a good space? Are they tired from work or are they hungry? Like that's not the time to bring up a topic like this. Find a time when you are both in a good space. And then I love what you said about being willing to receive. You know, when you listen to them from a place of openness, like you get some different insights as to how they think and when it's time to maybe give them more information on it in a different conversation, you're going to learn so much more about that and know a little bit better how to approach this from them instead of just trying to, like, firehose it all at the same time.

Amy: Exactly.

Carrie: These are people that we care about, right? And so we want to understand. We want them to be on our side, too. But, just thinking about how we take this step by step just to understand where people are and be that researcher, you know, ask those questions. So you told me I heard you say this, like tell me a little bit more about that. Oh, what did you mean about this? Like, you're not like judging, you're not challenging. You're just accepting it, receiving it, and taking it in as information because that information then you can go back later. Ok, I really ultimately want to talk with them more about why Black Lives Matter; but now that I know where they stand, I can really think about how I can approach that in a way that's going to be not as threatening, not as confrontational and really appealing to the things that I heard and that I learned about them when I just had this conversation where I just listened. Right. So that's the deal.

A lot of us, especially around the topic of anti-racism and race and the civil unrest in our country right now, like listening, like truly listening, not to respond, but listening to understand is something that we all could take a few tips and tricks on. I know it's not easy, but these are muscles that we're trying to practice. So go find someone in your family and maybe even find an easy person. You're like, you know what, I think that my brother probably is on the same page with me, but I'm not sure. So let me just practice with him before you go to your uncle or your grandpa, like find someone easy to practice this with so you can find out what is it like for me to listen, where am I getting triggered and how do I stay calm and centered as I'm listening to what they're saying so I can understand truly what they're talking about.

Amy: Absolutely. And then ideally, right, you'll have this conversation and then they'll actually come back to you because they'll feel so safe and they'll start asking you questions, right.

Carrie: You've now made yourself a place that they can go and a resource which is exactly what we want to do right. So very good. Awesome.

Amy: All right. So we have our next question, let me get this ready. Ok, Carrie, you ready, ready? Ok, how do I go about asking my black friends about the Black Lives Matter movement without sounding ignorant?

Carrie: OK, so I love this question because there's a lot of layers. First of all, there's a curiosity, which I think is awesome. Right. So, you want to know more about Black Lives Matter, but you don't want to sound ignorant. And that is a great sentiment. However, it is ok for us not to know everything, especially when we're exploring new spaces. And the thing is, I don't know everything about being black. Like I don't know everything about being a woman. I don't know everything about history. So this idea that I have to know everything or that I have to be worried about sounding ignorant, like let's try to refine our thinking about that because you're trying to learn and we're all going to make mistakes in this no matter who you are, what you look like. And so being ok with you know what, maybe I will sound ignorant or stupid, but that's ok because I'm going to talk to people who care about me and I can totally express my intent in these questions. So that's number one like reframing how we're thinking about it.

The second thing is, that I would say do some research. Google is our greatest tool. Right, on anything, any single subject, including subjects of race, anti-racism, black lives matter, go and do your homework first so that when you come to them, you have a perspective to share instead of just like, oh, you know, can you tell me about this thing I don't know anything about it? Because they're going to think in their head potentially, like, well, why didn't you, like, do a little bit of research? And this actually comes from just, you know, the general topic of race and anti-racism. Like as black people, and I'm speaking for myself in my own life experience, people will come to me without having done any research with questions. And I'm like, well, you could have done a little bit of work before we started this conversation. I'm happy to brainstorm with you, I'm totally open. I'm totally open to sharing my experiences and a lot of circumstances. But come to the table with some knowledge, some information, because it's not hard to do that. And it shows that you put some effort into it, too, versus expecting them to do the heavy lifting on educating you about Black Lives Matter. Amy, what do you think?

Amy: I completely agree. I was going to say that, just do that little bit of research because it shows so much respect and conscientiousness about this is something that is very personal and there's a lot of emotion behind it. And when you have the baseline of knowledge, right, you don't have to have everything right, like you said, but you're just showing that you do care and that you respect that person. So I think that's absolutely perfect.

Carrie: Absolutely. And then you can have that discussion. I read this or I said this or I think this and you can go back and forth. And the thing is, we like to judge like there's right and there's wrong and how to have these conversations. But honestly, when you're coming from a place of learning and expansion, I'm saying that there's no right or wrong because we're going to fumble through it sometimes and epically fail. And the important part of that, though, is how we stand back up, right? If I offend someone, say the wrong thing, look like an idiot, do I go and hide and hide my head in the sand? Or do I say, you know what, I screwed up my bad. I'll do better next time. And let's continue this dialog, because this is really important to me. Right.

Amy: And then I do. I mean, these are your friends or people that you're close to even your coworkers. So you have a relationship with them already and they know who you are. Then they're going to know even if you stumble through it, they're going to know where your heart is and where you're coming from. And they will probably cut you some slack. Absolutely.

Carrie: OK, very good. So that's the format for our Lightning Sessions. Amy, anything to add to any of the questions, these two questions that we talked about today?

Amy: I think the most important thing is that everyone keeps sending in questions because these are so important. And if you have a question, chances are a hundred other people or more have that question. And so as long as we keep building off of each other's knowledge, we're going to grow together. And that's the perfect way to do this and really get to the next level and to conquer this.

Carrie: So lovely, perfect. And you can submit your questions at www.Inclusion1stproject.org, so please do that there. Amy, please tell people where they can find you.

Amy: All right. You can find me on Instagram at Rooted Scale's also on Facebook. And then with Herbal Awakening, it's Herbal Awakening with Amy on Facebook and on Instagram.

Carrie: That's awesome. So thank you so much for the Inclusion First Project. We have a big announcement next week, our new campaign that we are launching five hundred questions in thirty days. We are serious about getting questions from allies and super, super serious about answering them. So thank you so much for being with us today. We will see you next Thursday for another Lightning Session. And we will see you on Tuesday. We're doing every Tuesday through August a weekly Q&A session for an hour and you can find out how to sign up there for free at www.inclusion1stproject.org as well. So thank you we are signing out for now. We'll see you next time.